Adventures of The Silver Bullets vol 1
by Arthur Drakoni
Summary: New Avalon: city of science-heroes and adventure! It is here the great detective L (aka Todd in the Shadows) assembled his team of heroes: the Silver Bullets. Join Percy Jackson, Kurumu, Mizore, Edward and Alphonse Elric, Mako, and Bolin as they battle evil in New Avalon and beyond! It's a modern day adventure with a silver age spirit! Mega Crossover!
1. Brain Drain!

**I guess I've always loved the possibility of mixing and matching different characters and worlds, and to combine all these characters and places into one universe (more or less) I, by necessity had to take certain artistic license with my interpretations, so expect divergences to keep with my goal of setting Silver Age of Comics-esque tone of the world of this fic. And really, this isn't just a love letter to the Silver Age; it's a love letter and celebration of all the fandoms I use. Yeah, it's silly, it couldn't work in reality, but I loved every minute of writing this, and it made my fall in love with fanfiction again. So, yeah, major Rule of Fun and Rule of Cool apply.**

**~Arthur Drakoni**

It was a bright and sunny day in the gleaming modern city of New Avalon, but especially at Bill Nye the Science Guy Elementary School, where the students were in for a special treat as they assembled in the school auditorium. As Ms. Frizzle walked up to the podium, wearing planet-shaped earrings and a dress covered in pictures of rocket ships, the students could barely contain their mounting excitement.

"Good Moring boys and girls! Today we have some extra special guest here to answer any question you have for them! As always: get messy, take chance, make mistakes, and without future delay: I present to you the fabulous Silver Bullets!"

The curtain pulled up and there they were: the crack team science-heroes dedicated to not only keeping New Avalon safe, but solving problems throughout the world; from New York was Percy Jackson, the son of Poseidon; from Japan were Kurumu Kurono the succubus, and Mizore Shirayuki the snow-girl; from the world of Amestris were the alchemist brothers Edward and Alphonse Elric; and rounding out the group were the bending brothers Mako and Bolin.

"What's up boys and girls! What am I saying? You know what's up!" shouted Percy as the students all clamored to be first.

"Hey Percy, how long can you hold your breath?" asked a boy named Ralphie.

"I don't need to. I can breathe underwater!"

"Ed, why do they call you Fullmetal Alchemist when only your arm and leg are metal?" asked a girl named Dorothy Ann.

"In Amestris all state-alchemist are given an official codename upon passing their exams, and I guess they meant it to be ironic."

"Kurumu! Kurumu! Are those real or silicone?" asked a boy named Carlos as the auditorium burst into immature laughter.

Kurumu quickly corralled the situation back under control. "You kids! Always saying the darndest things! So, anyone got a more appropriate question?"

"How did the Silver Bullets first from?" asked a boy named Tim.

Suddenly the image of a large letter L projected over the wall behind the Silver Bullets as a voice rang through the loud-speaker system.

"Very good question young man. My name is L, world class detective and founder of the Silver Bullets Initiative; I've been solving case and fighting crime throughout the world for many years, and in that time I decided that there needed to be a better way to combat the diverse threats our world faces. To accomplish this goal I assembled a team of hot-blooded young heroes from across the globe, and even beyond it; each of them has something unique to contribute to the team, and under my watchful eye they stand ever ready to combat evil and injustice in whatever form they might take."

Suddenly the image went static, but it wasn't long before a new image formed; this image was none other than the infamous crime lord (and trading card game enthusiast) Seto Kaiba.

"Greetings you worthless Silver Bullets! I just thought you'd like to know that I, Seto Kaiba, arguably the richest man in New Avalon, have just stolen forty cakes from this elementary school's bake sale! And I did because I'm evil!"

"Forty cakes! That's like, four tens!" exclaimed Kurumu.

"And that's terrible!" added Bolin.

"Well, gotta go kids! But, now that I think about it we have time for one more question," said Percy.

"Why are you called the Silver Bullets?" asked a boy named Arnold.

"Because that's an awesome name, and we're an awesome team!"

With that the Silver Bullets bolted out the doors and towards the parking lot; after searching for a couple of minutes they located their streamlined silver rocket-car. Kurumu turned into her succubus form to fly, and Bolin activated his earthbending powers to "earth-surf" as everyone else loaded into the rocket-car. The rocket-car took off with a roaring bang (as usual) and the zigzagged through traffic with the greatest of coordination, but then, there was a reason why Mako had been assigned as group driver.

"Kaiba was spotted traveling north near Merlin Avenue on a motorcycle," called L through everyone's communication devices.

"So then how's he transporting the cakes?" asked Mako.

"Eyewitnesses mention him towing a cart that appeared to contain them."

"But what if they fall off?"

"I can say with 90% certainty that he has committed this crime for no purpose other than to be evil."

Kurumu and Bolin could maneuver though the tight spaces of the crowded traffic lanes better than the rest of the group, and were quickly able to catch-up with Kaiba. Bolin forced a section of the road upwards, which caused Kaiba to jerk his motorcycle so harshly that it nearly flipped over, but Kurumu was able to catch him before that could happen.

"Fools! You may have stopped me, but you have failed to save the cakes!" taunted Kaiba. Indeed, the cakes were splattered all over the ground, completely ruined and unsalvageable.

"No. It can't end like this. We can't let the kids down," whispered Mizore.

"Hold on Mizore, all might not be lost just yet," said Al as he and Ed started drawing a transmutation circle around the cakes.

"Yeah. You know what they say; alchemy was born in the kitchen. How hard could it be?" said Ed as he clapped his hands together and touched the circle with Al.

At the command of the Elric brothers the circle began to glow blue, and after a brief flash of blue light the cakes were returned to normal; just as perfect as before they had been splattered. The Silver Bullets loaded the cakes into the rocket-car and quickly sped back to Bill Nye Elementary, where they were the kids were eagerly waiting to celebrate yet another victory of justice. After posing for some photos and enjoy some of the cakes they had worked to save, the team headed back to Bullet HQ.

**Transition!**

Bullet HQ stood proud in the heart of New Avalon as a gleaming modern symbol of truth and justice. It from here that the great detective L guided the team on their missions, and he was currently in the recording studio, which was set up to look like an average Virginia home, so that he could record videos under his secret identity of Todd in the Shadows. It was all part of an elaborate scheme to keep his identity hidden in case he needed to make public appearances, though the Silver Bullets didn't exactly understand the though process, but then, L was far from conventional.

"Great job team, and Ed epically," said L as he emerged from the shadows wearing his signature hoodie and a mask to cover the top-half of his face.

"Look if you're still going on about that one time…"

"More like five times," remarked Mizore.

"I only waved my fist at them! And they were totally asking for it!" objected Ed.

"Yes. However, it was your metal fist, and things could have gone worse due your "Napoleon Complex," L replied.

"Are you inferring…"

"It's _implying_, and we all know you're insecure about your height."

"What did you say!? Say to my face!" snarled Ed as he yanked L by the collar of his shirt, completely throwing him off balance from his crouched position.

"Don't be so sensitive Ed! After all, hugging you wouldn't be nearly as much fun if you were taller," said Kurumu as she hugged Ed, and in the process smothered him with her (rather large) breasts for the umpteenth time.

"I can't breathe!" said Ed.

"Oh, and before I forget, the video game company sent a package today. However…" but it was too late, for before L could finish what he was saying, the Silver Bullets were already racing towards the recreation room.

"I hope it's got a Wii version!" said Percy.

"After all those TVs you broke last time? Forget it!" replied Ed.

"I bet the graphics are amazing!" giggled Bolin with glee.

"I hope it has a yaoi option!" exclaimed Kurumu, practically foaming at the mouth.

When L had first assembled the Silver Bullets he was more than aware that teenage crime-fighters were bound to have certain needs, with recreation and relaxation being prime among them; to this end he had commissioned the Media Room as part of Bullet HQ. The Media Room included huge TV screens, the latest in video games, maximum massage recliners, snack and drink machines stocked with everyone's favorites, a healthy movie/TV show collection, and many other things that the Silver Bullets could need. However, when they got to the room the Silver Bullets found their tutor Tenzin, the master airbender, waiting for them.

"Tenzin, my man! Lookin good in the neighborhood!" said Percy, but as he reached for the video game Tenzin swatted his hand away.

"Now I know you're all eager to plug into the latest addition of the idiot lantern…"

"Uh, they're called video games, dude."

"The point is I'm concerned about this team's imbalance of intellectual endeavors. Alphonse, Mizore, and Mako all demonstrate a desire to learn and keep up their studies, but the rest of you are severely slacking off!" scolded Tenzin.

"When's any of that gonna matter anyway? I never went to school, and look how I turned out!" Ed objected, but unfortunately he chose to motion with his automail arm, which kind of undermined his point.

"Okay, kind of a bad example, but Ed's right. When are we honestly gonna need to know any of this school stuff for being science-heroes?" asked Bolin.

**Transition!**

Meanwhile at the elementary school it was recess and the kids were discussing how much they had enjoyed the Silver Bullets' visit.

"Gee willikers! It sure was swell that we got to meet our city's hot-blooded young crime fighters!" said Arnold.

"Arnold, you talk like my grandpa!" exclaimed Keesha.

"Hey, what's that van doing over there?" asked Wanda.

Sure enough there was a white van with the words "Totally Not Villains!" printed on the side. Though the kids couldn't tell it from where they were standing, inside the van Light Yagami and his shinigami sidekick Ryuk were making the final preparations to set their dastardly plan into motion.

"Got that perception-filter the boss sent?" asked Light.

"Yep! Only you and the kids will be able to see me!" chuckled Ryuk.

Light adjusted his carnie hat and activated the van's loudspeaker system. "Introducing the world's newest, silliest, and hamburgereattingest clown: Ryuk WacArnold!"

"Hey kids! Aren't those WacArnold's hamburgers delicious?" Ryuk asked as he gleefully tossed hamburgers, which had come from the shinigami realm, to the kids.

"Ms. Frizzle says never talk to strangers," said Phoebe.

"Well your teacher's right as always, but you can trust me! I'm Ryuk WacArnold!"

"Yuck! These burgers are dry and flavorless!" exclaimed Ralphie.

"Step right up folks! We've got much more delicious hamburgers in our enchanted fun van!" called Light.

As the kids were growing increasingly suspicious, and as Light was growing increasingly inpatient, Ryuk decided to drop the ruse and started grabbing the kids and tossing them into the back of the van; after having captured about eight bewildered children Ryuk slammed the back doors shut as Light activated the ignition.

"Boys and girls, you get to ride with me! We're gonna have so much fun!" chuckled Ryuk.

"I knew I should have stayed home today!" whimpered Arnold.

**Transition!**

Back at Bullet HQ everyone was listening to a joke that L was telling to try to lighten their moods after the confrontation with Tenzin.

"And then the dad says, The Aristocrats!"

Everyone just stared blankly at L, and wondered how much soap they were going to need to feel clean again. Suddenly the alarms blared loudly and flashed bright red; this was code for L's assistant Watari having an urgent incoming call.

"On screen!" commanded L as a giant letter W (for Watari) formed on the screen.

"Silver Bullets and L…"

"We've been over this Watari, you're to address me as Todd," L chastised.

"My apologies Todd; I've gotten a tip that eight students from Bill Nye Elementary have been kidnapped!"

"Any eyewitness testimony or photos from the scene of the crime? Anything that might clue us in to the identity of the kidnappers?" inquired L.

"Unfortunately no, but I'm now sending you a list of the students reported missing," replied Watari.

Everyone gasped in shock as soon as the list of students and accompanying photos appeared on the screen.

"Holy clichéd catch-phrases! It's the kids from the assembly this morning!" exclaimed Bolin.

"Did you give them Junior Bullet Club badges?" asked L.

"Yeah, why…"

"Found them!" said L after typing some commands into the computer. "They appear to be located near Old Santiago Warf downtown, and the vital sign monitors I installed in the badges indicate they're still alive."

"Where do you find the time to come up with these things?" asked Kurumu in bewilderment.

"It was really quite simple; just a slight modification of those tracking chips I had installed in the seven of you."

"Come again?" asked Mizore.

"Old Santiago Warf? Isn't there, like, and old underwater World War II base there?" asked Percy.

"And that's where you'll start. I've got the rocket-car prepped and ready in the hanger. Good luck, Silver Bullets," said L.

The Silver Bullets loaded into the high-speed pneumatic elevator, and before long they were in the hanger, the underground bunker L keep all the team's transportation stored in. The rocket-car had been converted to flight-mode to avoid the afternoon traffic rush; with everyone loaded in Mako pushed the ignition button, and the rocket-car shot up one of the ascension-tubes; before long the Silver Bullets were cruising high above the city. Mako switched the rocket-car to submersible mode as soon as it got within range of the underwater base.

"I've asked the local nereids to help cloak us from whoever's controlling that base," said Percy.

"Good to know. That looks like an open entrance up ahead; I'll take us through," said Mako.

The undersea base was fairly utilitarian; a rusting dome-shaped structure with segments jutting out from it like spokes on a wheel, or arms on an octopus. Mako piloted the rocket-car through one of the access ports; after a few tense minutes in the dimly-lit tunnel the rocket-car surfaced in one of the base's docking bays.

"Okay, L we're in," Mako radioed.

"I'm detecting a small group of life forms heading your way. Be on guard," advised L.

The group made a quick survey of the room; it was deserted save for a few tables covered in scattered papers, lamps hanging from the ceiling, and some metal barrels here and there. However, if the Silver Bullets had learned anything from fighting criminals, it was that they worked best with minimal spaces and materials. Mizore sent a slow moving wave of ice across the floor; as soon as the ice coated the barrels a team of warriors, dressed in what appeared to be metallic Aztec armor, burst out of the barrels.

"Hey, I know you guys! You're from that bizzaro universe where the Aztec Empire never fell," said Kurumu as she changed into her demon form.

"Foolish demon! Yours is the world that diverged!" shouted one of the Aztecs as he charged at Kurumu.

Kurumu easily dodged the attack, and with a swipe of her claws put the warrior in his place. Percy couldn't summon water without flooding the whole base, and _Riptide_ was completely useless against mortals; likewise, Bolin couldn't earthbend because the base was pure metal, and the two soon found themselves surrounded. Fortunately, Ed and Al quickly came to their rescue, and fused the Aztecs' metal boots with the floor, pinning them in place.

"Uncivilized barbarians! We still have…" but the Aztecs found that their laser lances had been frozen solid by Mizore's ice powers.

"Now then, are you gonna cooperate and tell us where the kids are, or are we gonna have to do this the hard way?" asked Ed as he pounded his automail fist against his flesh and blood hand.

"Okay, I'll talk," said one of the warriors.

"That's good. Do you have a name?" asked Al.

"Please, call me…Monty."

"Alright, Monty it is. Tell us everything you know."

"Well, there were only four steps left, and then it all went south, and not just south, we're talking into a huge mess here. Give me a moment to catch my breath, I'm exhausted."

"There are a statistically questionable number of directional words in those sentences," said L.

"I knew it! They're selling us out!" said Ed as he transmuted his automail arm into a blade.

"Hold on Ed! Their body language indicates that they're sincere in what they say, and it would seem those directions were meant for the seven of you."

"But why would they want to help us?"

Monty gave a stern look to everyone. "Unlike in this world, slavery is still common place in the Aztec Empire we hail from. It was in the Great Market of Tenochtitlan that we were sold as slaves to someone from this universe; he called himself Light Yagami."

"That's horrible! But what would Light want with a bunch of second graders?" asked Al.

"He is planning to drain them of their knowledge, completely destroying all the hard work they put into gaining it!"

"Then there's no time to loose!" said Ed as he released the Aztecs.

"Good, but there's one thing you should know first: I lied!" said Monty.

Before the Silver Bullets could react the Aztecs jabbed them with electric batons and sent hundreds of bolts coursing through their bodies, and before long the Bullets had completely blacked out. When everyone regained consciousness they found themselves chained to a wall, with Light and his Aztec mercenaries standing in front of them.

"Monty! How could you lie to us!" exclaimed Al.

"Mr. Yagami pays me too, and I'm evil like that!"

"Let this be a lesson to you Bullets: don't assume things are as innocent they appear to be! Now then, you should consider yourselves lucky; you get front row seats to see me drain these children of their knowledge!" cackled Light.

The eight elementary school students were strapped into glass tubes, with metal helmets connected to hoses attached to their heads. Light tapped a few commands into the control console before returning to the captured Bullets.

"Almost finished! Nothing can stop me now!"

"Except a magic school bus!" chuckled Ryuk.

Light frowned. "What are you…"

Before Light had time to finish the doors to the loading bay opened, and in bounded The Magic School Bus itself; the bus skidded to a halt and out hopped Ms. Frizzle, Tenzin, Watari, and Major Alex Louis Armstrong.

"Well, well, well; did dinner theater let out early?" laughed Light.

"No, Light-kun, we've come to rescue the captives and demonstrate the importance of good teachers to the world!" declared L via the laptop Watari was holding.

Light snapped his fingers, and soon the small band of educators was surrounded by a swarm of Aztec mercenaries. Major Armstrong cracked his knuckles.

"For your first lesson I'll demonstrate a technic that's been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!"

Using a cinderblock and his signature contact-alchemy, Major Armstrong knocked the Aztecs out of the way like bowling pins; meanwhile, Tenzin used his airbending to fend off the second wave of Aztecs.

"Hey! Forgetting much?" called Kurumu.

"On my way!" said Ms. Frizzle cheerily as she casually strolled to the control panel.

After typing a few commands Ms. Frizzle had freed the Silver Bullets and released the captive students, but Light was taking off with a container of the students' knowledge.

"Hey Light, guess what? Bananas are epic!" said Ryuk as he scarfed down yet another banana and discarded the peel.

Light slipped on the banana peel and sent the knowledge jar sailing into the air; Light had accidently pressed to button to open the jar, and it did just that as it reached maximum high, drenching Light in the collected knowledge. Light just sat there for a moment, staring blankly into space, but then he spoke.

"Hey everyone, what has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!"

"Liiiiiggghhht!" groaned everyone in unison.

"According to my research, after chewing comes swallowing!" declared Light.

"Mr. Yagami, are you okay?" asked Monty.

"Is it just me, or was stealing the knowledge of second graders not the smartest idea in the world?"

"Of course it wasn't. True learning and education aren't something you can simply download; they must be earned through hard work and dedication, just like how I earned the sculpted physique you see before you!" said Major Armstrong.

"Oh this is bad! What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? At my old school we… I knew I should have stayed home today! I…I…ice cream," stammered Light, and with that he collapsed to the floor.

With all opposition defeated, everyone loaded onto the Magic School Bus, and made ready to bring the evil doers to the nearest police station.

"Well the kids are safe, but unfortunately there's no way to replace the knowledge Light stole from them," said Tenzin.

"That's okay, because they're all bright students who are always eager to learn something new! And, they've got and excellent teacher: me!" said Ms. Frizzle with all her usual cheeriness and optimism.

"I feel funny," groaned Tim.

"Is this really happening?" asked Carlos.

"I have two…I have three…I have…ahhhh!" shouted Wanda.

"I'm never gonna feel normal again," whined Phoebe.

If Al still had a human face he probably would have frowned as he looked at the kids. "Wait a minute; five, six, seven. We're missing one!"

"Oh my! It appears that Edward is so short we must have mistaken him for Arnold!" chucked Ms. Frizzle.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A TINY LITTLE BEAN SPROUT THE SIZE OF A GRAIN OF RICE!?" snarled Ed as Al and Bolin desperately tried to hold him back.

"No big deal, we can always turn around. Right?" asked Mako.

"You could, but the Aztecs are under strict orders to start the self-destruct sequence and lock the base in the event of our capture!" chuckled Ryuk.

"There has to be some way in," said Mizore.

"There is, starboard side access hatch, but you've got five minutes at most and you'll at most be able to get two people through," said L over the laptop.

"Mizore, you in?" asked Percy, his hand on the bus door.

"Let's go!"

Percy and Mizore easily exited the bus, which they thought was odd considering the (presumably) significant pressure difference, and the fact that the bus didn't instantly fill with water, but then again it was a magic school bus. Percy formed an oxygen bubble for Mizore, but it wasn't going to last long, and they'd have to work fast to getting into base; fortunately, they soon reached the access panel.

"Okay, now, it's going to ask you a question," said L over the communicator-link.

"Which of Newton's laws of motion does this describe: for every action, there is an equal or opposite reaction?" read Mizore.

"Oh come on! You're seriously telling me that stuff we learn in school actually applies in science-heroing?" exclaimed Percy.

"Third Law," said Mizore.

As soon as she pressed the button the entry hatch opened just long enough for the two of them to be sucked into one of the loading bays. Quickly scrambling out of the water, Percy and Mizore made their way past the panicked hoards of Aztecs, who were all running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Almost instinctively Mizore dove for a filing cabinet just big enough for an eight-year-old boy to hide in, and indeed, that's exactly where Arnold was.

"Willikers, Mizore! How'd you know where to find me?" asked Arnold.

"Takes a misfit to know a misfit, now let's get out of here."

Most of the Aztecs had loaded into the base's escape pods and evacuated, save Monty and the trio of heroes.

"The way I see it there are four of us and only one escape pod. Therefore, I should be the one who gets the escape pod!" declared Monty, but as he tried to buckle in he noticed that Ryuk was already sitting in the escape pod.

"But, weren't you just in the Magic School Bus?" asked Mizore.

"Did you really think I could be held by such simple means? Besides, I always wanted to ride an escape pod!" chuckled Ryuk as the pod door slid shut.

Monty stared in disbelief as the escape pod shot out of the tube, leaving him completely stranded. Meanwhile, Percy and Mizore were staring at the glass dome, trying to determine how far it was to the surface.

"I'd say _Riptide_ should be able to break through it," said Percy.

"I can send some ice shards instead, probably work better that way," said Mizore.

"What are you two talking about?" asked Monty nervously.

"Holy socks! They're gonna break-through the glass dome and send us rocketing to the surface life a Mentos in a bottle of soda pop! Oh my lucky stars, I'm sure glad I _didn't_ stay home today!" said Arnold.

"But I…"

Before Monty could say another word Mizore sent a volley of ice crystals towards the glass dome; before long the cracks on the dome's surface could expand no longer and water burst in, completely flooding the base. Percy grabbed hold of Mizore and Arnold, and he willed the water to bring them (and Monty) towards the surface; almost instantaneously they burst through the surface, and lifted into the air before slowly arching back down towards a large surfboard.

"Nice of you to drop by. Now hang ten kahunas, surfs up!" said L as he adjusted the motion of surfboard as it rode waves resulting from the destruction of the underwater base.

"But I can't swim!" whimpered Monty.

"Then hold on tight, dude, we're going into the tube!" said Percy as he willed the wave to expand and hold its shape to prolong their ride.

The ride through the tube at high speed, with water surrounding them on all sides, beat any theme park ride Percy and Mizore had ever encountered. Arnold and L were enjoying themselves as well, but the same couldn't be said for Monty, who was clinging to the board for dear life.

"Get me out of here! I want out!" shouted Monty.

"What's that? You want us to drop you in the water? Well if you insist," said L.

"No! No! Take me to jail! As long as it's on dry land I'll willingly go, no questions asked!"

"See? Was that so hard?"

L brought the surfboard out of the tube of the wave, and towards the dockside, where the police were waiting with the other Silver Bullets as the Aztec's escape pods broke through the surface. With the help of Percy's water powers, he, Mizore, L, Arnold and Monty were lifted onto the dock.

"Who would have guessed L was a surfer-boy all this time?" whispered Bolin.

"Considering how little we know about the guy, who would have guessed anything about him?" remarked Ed.

Before long the police had fished the last of the Aztecs out of the harbor and were carting them off to temporary detainment before deporting them back to their own world, while Light was being taken to the Caligari Penitentiary for Science-Villains.

"Well goodbye Silver Bullets. I'd rue my defeat, but we all know I'll be out in, what? Two week from now? See you then!" said Light as he was loaded into a police car.

"So, Percy, I hear you got quizzed on this mission," said Tenzin, a knowing look on his face.

Percy put his hand behind his head nervously. "Yeah, but at least I phoned a friend, right?"

"But suppose Mizore hadn't been there, you might not have been able to save Arnold in time! Look, the point I was trying to make earlier is that the reason I'm always on you seven about your studies is so you can be science-heroes because that's what you chose, and not because you can't get a career otherwise."

"Gotcha, Tenzin! So, uh, anyone up for hitting the books when we get back to HQ?" asked Percy.

"See Percy, education can lead to great things! That's the way brother and me became such great alchemists," said Al.

"Glad you feel that way Alphonse-kun, because I got an old teacher of yours agreed to come help keep you Silver Bullets educated," said L.

"You didn't!" exclaimed Ed, his hair standing on end from fright.

"He did!" said Izumi Curtis, who was standing directly behind Ed and Al.

"Izumi, would you do the honors of teaching my students something new?" asked Ms. Frizzle.

"Certainly. Children, do you know what time it is?"

"It's PSA Time!" declared Major Armstrong, accompanied by his signature pink sparkles.

**Transition!**

Everyone had gathered back at the recording studio in Bullet HQ, and were about to address you, the audience, as part of their contractually obligated public service announcement. This was all in an effort to keep things at least somewhat education in compliance with federal guidelines for works involving teenage science-heroes.

"Hello boys and girls! Today's public service announcement has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!" declared Major Armstrong as he flexed his muscles.

"Thank you Major Armstrong. We sure learned a lot about how important staying educated is, and how you should always pay attention in school, but you don't have to take my word for it," said L.

"I learned that everything in school has a purpose, no matter how pointless it may seem!" said Percy.

"I learned that learning is a lifelong process that never truly ends!" said Al.

"And I learned that…wait a minute, I didn't learn anything!" exclaimed Kurumu.

"Then I guess you could have learned to pay better attention," chuckled Tenzin.

"But that thing with Percy was, like, so random it's hardly counts as an example of how education is truly important, even to average civilians."

"She's got a point, and you never really defended what counts as education, or ways the audience can educate themselves and stuff," added Ed.

"You are in so much trouble when this PSA is over!" whispered Izumi.

"Er-that's all we have time for this episode! Join us next time for more fun and adventures!" said Tenzin, trying his best to salvage the rapidly deteriorating situation.

"See you soon!" said Bolin.


	2. Will the Real Aten Please Stand Up?

**I always thought it would be cool if this got its own page on TV Tropes. Hmm, I'll have to look into that, but first I'll need to catalogue to various tropes. Let me know if you spot any, k?**

**~Arthur Drakoni**

"Are we there yet?" asked Kurumu for the umpteenth time.

"We get there when we get there!" snarled Izumi.

The Silver Bullets were on a mission to investigate a planet that was only few light-years away from Earth, and L had insisted on Izumi accompanying them. L had tried to frame this as having to do with the piloting of the _Silver Star-Streakier_, the ship the Silver Bullets used for interplanetary missions, but everyone knew it was really so she could chaperone them.

"Hang in there, you should have the planet coming into view about now," said L via the communicator link.

A quick look out the windows confirmed that the _Silver Star-Streakier_ was indeed entering the orbit of the planet; it was almost completely covered in desert, with hardly any bodies of water to speak of.

"So, what's it called?" asked Percy.

"Abydos, I mentioned that in the pre-mission briefing before you guys launched."

"Anti-matter engines powering down now," said Mako, who was serving as copilot.

However, the ship was not slowing down; in fact, it seemed to be speeding up as Abydos grew ever closer. Izumi and Mako frantically checked all of the major systems to see what could be causing the problem, but according to the panels everything was fine.

"We're gonna hit the atmosphere too fast!" exclaimed Al.

"We can't die; we haven't had a chance to have space ice cream yet!" shouted Bolin.

"Everyone listen to me, now! You're going to have to manually activate the ship's parachute mechanisms, located at both ends of the ship. However…"

Before L had even finished before Mako, Percy, Ed, and Kurumu were racing to the back of the ship. Everyone agreed, via their communicators, to activate the parachutes on the count of three. As soon as the buttons were mashed an alarm started blaring, and two metal bulkheads severed the _Silver Star-Streakier_ in half. The violent spinning of the two halves of the once glorious spacecraft spun violently as they plummeted to the surface of Abydos, and before long everybody blacked-out.

**Transition!**

When Kurumu regained consciousness she found herself sprawled on top of Ed with her breasts smothering his face (nothing new there); however, she could also feel a hand on her butt, and it was Mako's hand!

"You pervert!" shouted Kurumu as she kicked Mako in the face.

"Huh? Where am I?" groaned Mako as he regained consciousness.

"Air! Sweet, sweet air!" gasped Ed.

"Guys, you should probably take a look at this!" said Percy as he poked his head through the exit hatch.

When everyone climbed out of the hatch they saw what Percy meant; it was the afternoon, turning to evening, and they were surrounded by desert on all sides. In the distances there appeared to be a city of some sort, but then there was the matter of getting to it.

"Well, at least the atmosphere's breathable," remarked Ed.

"But if we don't find water we'll only last a day at most, and that's being optimistic," said Mako. "Besides, we don't know what's out there."

Kurumu jumped back into the half-ship and searched through as many containers and compartments as she could find until she got what looking for; L always made a point of including as many emergency situation guides in as possible just in case.

"Looks like we're good as far as water and food go, for a few days anyway, and this halve of the ship will make good shelter when night comes."

"It say anything useful about Abydos?" asked Ed.

"Mostly desert, very few bodies of water, a day is 36 hours long, gravity slightly lower than on earth, breathable atmosphere; mostly basic stuff like that," said Kurumu.

"So the natives could be, like, green, and have four arms and tusks?" asked Percy as he tossed a model glider.

The glider traveled smoothly along the air currents, and it seemed like it would have kept on going at a consistent rate if Percy hadn't rushed over to catch it. The glider was a model of the Saqqara Bird, which Percy had built when the Silver Bullets had studied ancient Egypt in their tutoring sessions. Kurumu was watching fixatedly as Percy twirl the replica glider in his fingers.

"What?"

"I was thinking; the winds are strong enough to support a gliding craft, so why not make a hot air balloon? We could use material from the parachute, which Ed could transmute together, Mako can provide the flame, and I can fly so that's one less person."

"That could actually work! I say we go for it!" said Ed.

"But we don't know what might be out there, or it they're friendly!" Mako objected.

"Yeah, but that's why we're here in the first place, isn't it?" asked Percy.

Somewhat reluctantly, Mako consented to the plan, reasoning that it would be a good way to find the rest of the Silver Bullets. In no time at the makeshift hot air balloon had been constructed, and was ready for flight. Everyone waited for a gust of wind to catch the balloon's canopy, and with a fire blast from Mako, they were airborne; Kurumu changed into her succubus form and joined the boys as they flew over the golden desert landscape.

"It's so beautiful! Almost makes the whole thing worth it!" laughed Mako over the rush of the wind.

"Oh I'm sorry, what was that?" Kurumu teased playfully.

The city in the distance was growing ever closer, but suddenly something ripped into the canopy of the balloon. Kurumu tried to lift Ed towards the rips in the fabric, while Mako desperately tried to keep the balloon aloft, but whatever was being fired at them kept coming. Soon it was too much and the balloon crashed into a sand dune; before they had time to react the four Bullets were struck on the back of their heads, and everything faded to black.

**Transition!**

Al, Izumi, Bolin, and Mizore had just regained consciousness and were doing their best to get back to their feet and assess their current situation.

"L tried to warn them, to get them to look before they leapt, but did they listen? No!" muttered Izumi.

"Hey! You guys will never believe what I'm looking at! We're in ancient Egypt!" called Bolin from outside the half-ship.

Everyone climbed out the hatch, and sure enough, they were in the middle of, what by all accounts, looked to be an ancient Egyptian temple, minus the ancient. The crash-landing of the half-ship had topped a row of columns, knocked over some statues, and ruined a topiary garden, but the over-all temple complex was relatively intact.

"That art looks like Amarna style, from the reign of Pharaoh Akhenaten," said Mizore.

"So, we're back in time?" asked Bolin.

"Earth's only had one moon in all of its history," said Izumi, motioning to the sky, where three moons were coming into view.

"Then if this really is Abydos, all of this …that would be too much of a cultural similarity to be just coincidence!" exclaimed Al.

"Maybe you should ask those guys," said Mizore.

Sure enough, a group of, what appeared to be, ancient Egyptian high priests and Medjai warriors entered the inner temple courtyard. First the Abydonians stared at the ruined courtyard, then at the Silver Bullets, and then at the ruined courtyard once again; they weren't amused in the slightest.

"Blasphemers! Defilers of the sacred temple of Aten!" shouted the head priest.

"Fear not! We bring you tidings of good will and peace on…Abydos," said Al hastily.

The setting sun, or whatever the star Abydos orbited was called, was at just the right angle that when it reflected off of Al's armor he looked like a god wreathed in golden light. This effect was not lost on the priests and warriors, and the way Al was raising his hands only further cemented his image in their minds; soon after words, the Abydonians dropped to the ground in supplication.

"Forgive us, oh Lord Aten! Had we know we'd be basking in your glory we would have had offerings at the ready, oh light of the golden dawn who walks among men!"

"But I'm…"

"Lord Aten, being most merciful, will overlook your shortcomings, this time! However, in the future you simply _must_ be better prepared!" said Bolin.

Izumi and Mizore shot him a confused look, but Bolin mouthed for them to play along with it. The Abydonians were staring wide-eyed at Bolin, whispering in awe amongst themselves.

"Are…are you a prophet of Aten?"

"Buddy, I'm _the_ prophet of Aten! Call me, Bolaten! Epic be my name!"

"Truly there is no god but Aten, and Bolaten is his prophet, most epic is his name!" shouted the priests and warriors in devotion.

"Most epic of prophets…"

"Most awesome _and _epic!"

"Forgive me, most awesome and epic of prophets, but who are these women? Are they you concubines?" asked one of the priests.

"What?! No, no, they're…"

"We're prophetesses. I am Mizortiti, and this is Nefizumi," said Mizore.

"What do you call yourselves?" demanded Izumi.

"I am Ai," said the lead priest.

"And what is your name?"

"I am Ai."

"I understand, and what is your name?"

"I am Ai!"

"Do not jest with me any longer! What is your name, damn it!" roared Izumi.

"Teac-er, I mean, Prophetess Nefizumi, I believe his name like that of Tutankhamen's high priest," said Al.

"This is so, but I thought my Lord Aten did not wish the name of Tutankhamen spoken in his presence?"

"Aten wishes to inform you lowly priest-types that he has changed his mind!" said Bolin in a matter-of-fact tone.

"But I would like a tour of this settlement, and you can continue to introduce yourselves as we go along," said Al.

"By all means my Lord Aten! The villagers will rejoice at your return!" said Ai.

**Transition!**

Mako, Percy, Ed, and Kurumu woke up to find themselves in a cage along with several vaguely Middle Eastern looking people; the cage was part of a caravan that was heading towards a walled city, and the carts were being pulled by strange shaggy haired…lizards? They were all chained to one-another by the wrists, and Ed had a few extra problems to deal with.

"Ah! I can't believe it, my automail arm is completely gone!" exclaimed Ed.

"We're gonna be sold as slaves, and you're concerned about your arm?" asked Mako.

"My arm! Missing! Hurts like a bitch to reinstall! Not good!"

"Shut up your face tiny half-man!" said one of the caravan drivers as he pocked Ed with a stick through the gaps in the cage bars.

It wasn't long before the caravan made its way through the limestone walls of the city, which was named Nagada, and the auction block grew every closer. Mako considered using his firebending to heat-up his shackles, and then trick the guards into touching them and escape, but he couldn't just leave his friends; Ed was considering the same thing with his alchemy, but he'd never been very good at going one-handed, especially not while in shackles. The cage doors swung open and Percy and Kurumu were yanked out and ushered towards a small platform, around witch stood several of the Nagadans stood.

"And for the first auction we've got a pair of exotic beauties! Quite the brains on these two, building a flying machine, but not enough to avoid capture! Look at this boy's muscles, they are those of a strong worker; and this girl possess the breasts of one who will bear many children and keep you supplied for many years to come! As always we can sell them as a pair or break them up as you wish; let the bidding begin!" called the auctioneer.

"Three bushels of wheat and a mastadge for the pair!" shouted one of the bidders.

"Five bushels and a mastadge!" shouted another.

Percy and Kurumu reasoned that mastadges were the hairy lizard things that served as the beast of burden on Abydos, that the lead auctioneer was named Omar, and that they were about to be sold. The two of them instantly revised their reasoning as soon as a crowd of people, who were carrying Al on a golden throne, made their way over to the auction block.

"Folks, we're gonna pause the auctioning, because our Lord Aten has returned to grace us with his presence!" said Omar as everyone bowed in reverence.

"Uh…hello there," said Al as he slide off the throne and walked over to the auction block. "Are you selling these people?"

"Indeed we are, but my Lord Aten may take whomever he pleases as an offering to his golden glory!"

"I'll take everyone you've got, and I set them free!"

"Forgive me, oh Lord Aten, but did you say to free all of the slaves?" asked Omar.

"It's not right to profit off the suffering of others, and as your lord and deity, I say there shall be no more slavery anywhere on Abydos!" declared Al.

There were shocked whispers amongst the crowd, but Omar and the slave drivers agreed to comply with Al's commands, and the Silver Bullets were reunited. Bolin pulled everyone to the side to explain the plan, and Ed was (rather painfully) reunited with his missing arm. After things had calmed down the Silver Bullets were taken to a temple located next to a large pyramid for dinner and a performance.

"The green lizard-thing tastes kind of like artic hen, so if you're into Water Tribe food, it's a good starting place," whispered Bolin, who was starting to develop a bit of a snobbish accent.

"Good to know…what's artic hen?" asked Percy.

According to the play "Aten" descended to Egypt from the heavens during the reign of Pharaoh Akhenaten, and that this lead to a golden era of peace and prosperity. However, following the death of Akhenaten there was a revolt against Aten, who took his more faithful followers to the world of Abydos by means of a device known as a Stargate. Aten occasionally dropped by to collect tribute in the form of a mineral minded on Abydos, but nobody ever knew when he'd return, only that he usually used the Stargate.

"You can see how we were confused by his lordship using a chariot to visit us," explained Skaa, the high priestess of the pyramid temple.

"Aten wishes to inform his loyal followers that he shall be taken to inspect the Stargate…right after he consults with his homies!" said Bolin, as he pulled the Silver Bullets to the side.

"Well, that explains the cultural similarities," remarked Mizore. "The real Aten's an alien who brought Amarna era Egyptians to Abydos."

"I helped L a few years ago with a case involving an alien posing as the Egyptian god Ra," said Izumi. "It's possible Aten could be the same alien, or at least, of the same species."

"But, I've meet the Egyptian gods, and they're definitely not aliens," said Percy.

"Teacher's not saying they are, just that these aliens might have fooled a handful of Egyptians into thinking they were the gods," said Al.

"Yeah, like that time those two jokers posed as me and Al; didn't make us less real, but the people they fooled didn't know the difference," said Ed.

Skaa and Ai lead the Silver Bullets into the pyramid, and then down through an elaborate system of false chambers, rather like the tombs system in Egypt's Valley of the Kings. Eventually, the group made their way into a true chamber; the massive room was lit by what seemed to be electric lights, the walls were covered in golden hieroglyphic inscriptions, and perched on a pedestal was a circular device with strange inscriptions around its rim.

"Aten trusts that this is, in fact, the Stargate," said Bolin.

"Assuredly so, oh awesome and epic of prophets," said Skaa.

Izumi narrowed her eyes at the image of a hawk wearing a solar disk and pharaoh's crown, which was located at the end of the chamber. "That's the symbol of Ra."

"Surely, the prophetess is aware that Ra is merely how the ancestors of Abydos viewed Aten before he fully revealed himself?" asked Ai, raising an eyebrow in suspicion.

"Guys, if that things still works, then what to stop the real Aten from dropping in right now?" whispered Al.

As if on cue, the Stargate began to activate; the ring of symbols spun until seven were selected, then a water-like energy formed in the center of the Stargate. The energy bulged twice through both sides of the Stargate before stabilizing, and not long after that a man dressed like a pharaoh, with a glowing orb hovering behind his head, walked through the portal. The man was accompanied by guards wearing hawk-head and jackal-head helmets, and they were all carrying staffs with tips shaped like winged solar disks.

The leader glanced disapprovingly at the Silver Bullets. "Okay, I'll bite. Who are you?"

"Uh…you first?" asked Al nervously.

"I am Aten, the Lord of Abydos, the Rising Star, he who shall be obeyed; in ancient days I was known as Ra, and you will now tell me who you are!"

This was the moment the Silver Bullets had been dreading since they first started the posing as prophets of Aten. As everyone shuffled their feet and murmured amongst themselves, one of the jackal-helmeted guards eyed the pendants Bolin had received as gifts from the priests.

"My Lord, does that not look like your official crest?"

"Indeed it does, Anpu. Why, I'd say someone's been posing as me and my messengers in my absence and…Izumi!"

"Hello, Ra, or is it Aten now?" said Izumi, with a defiant smile.

"Yes, afraid our last encounter left my old body in repose; fortunately, my loyal followers were more than willing to provide me a new one, and so I became Aten."

Izumi used her alchemy to make the segment of floor Aten was standing on rise up and hit him in the crotch. Winching with pain, Aten mustered just enough strength to send a bolt of energy from his staff, but Izumi quickly jumped out of the way. Before long a full-out battle broke out; Anpu hit Al with a direct blast, but it bounced off of Al's armor and hit Anpu instead. Mako and Bolin worked as a team to take down hawk guards like their days in the pro-bending arena; Ed used his automail arm to reflect the blasts like Al had, but it was getting considerably strained; fortunately, however, Mizore was more than willing to pick up the slack by sending a volley of ice shards at the hawk guards.

"Give it up Aten, your Heru Guards have fallen even quicker than your interplanetary empire!" declared Izumi as the Silver Bullets closed in around Aten.

Aten smiled wickedly as he pulled out a device that looked like an Eye of Ra amulet. "My drone fleet in currently in orbit, and with a press of this button I'll have them open fire on Nagada!"

"Everybody back down, he's serious!" ordered Izumi.

"Good, that's very good! Now then, you still have told me the secret of this…alchemy, do you call it? You're clearly holding something back, but I can see everyone in this group has amazing talents! Talents…that I wish to make my own!"

"You'll never get any answers out of us, Aten!" Ed snapped.

"Oh, I wouldn't expect you to, Mr. Elric! Nor would I expect that of Mr. Jackson or Ms. Kurono, which is why I'm banishing you three from Abydos!" Aten laughed maniacally

"Say what?!" exclaimed Percy and Kurumu.

"Guards! Fire up the chevrons, and set destination to random!"

As soon as the Stargate had stabilized the Heru Guards grabbed Percy, Ed and Kurumu, and threw them through the portal; the trio of heroes soon found themselves rushing through a tunnel of blue energy in space.

**Transition!**

Percy, Ed and Kurumu hadn't been flying through the tunnel of blue energy for long before they reached their destination; the receiving Stargate was located in a grassy field, with a small village, the kind that looked like it belonged on a greeting card, just a short walk away.

"Huh, kind of looks like England," remarked Ed.

"Take a look at this, it's some kind of control panel," said Kurumu.

"These symbols, they kind of look like constellations, but…well, if this thing can take stellar drift into account, it could use constellations as a reference for locating planets with Stargates!"

"I've still got that interplanetary guide book L sent with us; maybe it'll have something we could use."

"You think those guys would know anything?" asked Percy, gesturing to a medieval-looking group of peasants that were approaching the Stargate.

The villagers stared wide-eyed at the Silver Bullets, and looked like they were afraid to get any closer, but then the village priest stepped forward. "Witches! They are witches!"

"Excuse me!" scoffed Kurumu, more than a little offended.

"Uh, hi. We're from Earth, but we just got here from Abydos. Do you know how to get to either of them, or maybe know someone who can give us a ride?" asked Percy.

"Actually, I'm from a parallel version of Earth where alchemy is wide-spread, but I guess its Earth in the end," said Ed.

"Burn the witches! Burn the witches! Burn the witches!" chanted the crowd.

Ed and Kurumu frantically searched the guide book for clues, while Percy did his best to calm the villagers down. Before long they found the section that mentioned not only Stargates, but also the dial codes for different planets.

"How about this one?" suggested Ed.

"Argos: Mediterranean climate, breathable atmosphere, population humanoid and with cultural similarities suggesting decent from the Minoan civilization," Kurumu read.

"Sounds great! So, uh, yeah! We'll just be going then, and there's nooooo reason, at all, to resort to violence!" said Percy, as the villagers grew more on edge.

Ed and Kurumu selected the corresponding symbols and fired-up the chevrons; the Stargate bulged with energy before stabilizing, and with that, the trio of science-hero rushed into the portal. When the group emerged from the Stargate they found themselves in a building resembling an ancient Greek temple, but with more vibrant colors and artwork, more like that style of the Minoans. A group of warriors, dressed in colorful robes beneath their bronze armor, approached the Silver Bullets.

"Percy Jackson? Kurumu Kurono? Edward Elric?" asked the lead warrior.

"Who wants to know?" asked Ed, striking a defensive pose.

"We were instructed by the one called L that we were to find you here, in the temple of the Stargate, and that we are to take you to him."

"L is _here_?! But how?" asked Kurumu.

"This will be answered in the Grand Palace. Please, follow us."

The trio of Bullets soon found themselves standing before a full-scale replica of the Palace of Knossos, and the climate made it feel like they were actually on the island of Crete in ancient times. Walking into the central courtyard of the palace, they soon found L, as well as a group of women with cat ears and tails, sitting next to a fountain that was shaped like a horse.

"Greetings, Silver Bullets. I trust you remember our associates from Catia?"

"Sup, cat-ladies!" said Percy with a wink and a snap of his fingers. This lead to the collective eye rolling of every Catian, save Eris.

"Oh, I've missed you all sooooo much! Especially you, Edward!" squealed Eris as she hugged Ed, and inadvertently smothered him with her (rather large) breasts.

"I can't breathe! I can't breathe!" said Ed, to little avail.

"Just like us in the old days, right L?" Captain Kuune chuckled.

"Don't give them ideas, or they will find things," whispered L. "Right, so I had suspected that Ra, or whatever he's calling himself now, was behind this for a while; I also knew I'd be able to track the Stargate energy to locate you Silver Bullets."

"So, like, our communicators were worthless off-earth?" asked Percy.

"Oh, no. In fact, I was just about to get onto you all for not using them, or checking for links with reconnaissance satellites!"

"Yeah, I might have been asleep at that briefing, but why did you need to track Stargate energy if you could just use the communicators to locate us?"

"One can never be too cautious when locating missing personnel," said Melwin as she typed commands into her tablet-device.

"Thank you, Melwin! To be fair, though, I suppose you all did the best with what you had to deal with," said L as he nibbled his thumb in thought.

Melwin placed her table on the table, and it projected a holographic image of Abydos and the drones in orbit around it. The trio of Bullets filled L and the Catians in all of the information they might have missed.

"Oh dear, we've got till sunrise, at most!" said Captain Kuune.

"What do you mean?" asked Kurumu.

"You know that game kids play where they set ants on fire with a magnifying glass? Well, imagine that, only the other Silver Bullets are the ants!" said Chaika.

"The drones are easy enough to eliminate, but we need to destroy the Abydonians' faith in Aten, if we're going to liberate them," said L.

"That's sounds illegal," remarked Percy.

"On the contrary, while it is against galactic law to imitate a local deity, it is perfectly legal to destroy native religious beliefs!" said Eris, with all her usual enthusiasm.

"But is belief really so bad? I mean, does it truly hurt to pick a few oracle leave of Adonis and…"

"I'm gonna stop you right there, and point out how Aten's body has an organ that converts psychic energy from his follower's prayers and belief into energy," said Melwin. "He then uses this energy to enslave and oppress more people, see how that's bad?"

**Transition!**

It was nearly sunrise on Abydos, and the captured Silver Bullets were chained to a rock outcrop. Aten had a solar-focusing device in the upper atmosphere that was poised to fry them as soon as Abydos' terminator line hit them, and everything seemed hopeless.

"Guys, I'm sorry I got us mixed up in all of this," Bolin sighed.

"It's okay, you were only trying to help," said Al.

"No, it's not okay! I got carried away, and if I'd only put a little more thought…"

"I was the responsible adult! If anyone's taking the blame, it's me!" interjected Izumi.

"Either I'm really dehydrated, or that's a Catian spaceship landing over there," said Mizore. "And either that's a mirage, or L, Percy, Kurumu, Ed, and the Catians are coming to free us."

"Don't worry, Mizore! We're 100% really, really, real! Now hold still so we can dissolve your chains!" said Eris.

Before long the tapped Bullets were freed and brought up to speed on the plans for toppling Aten's iron-grip over Abydos. Everyone loaded into the Catians' ship and made a direct course for Nagada, where Aten's followers were holding a ceremony to honor him.

"Citizens of Abydos, we've come to liberate you!" shouted L, as he and the Silver Bullets descended on hover-platforms.

"Who was in charge the execution? Tell me now!" roared Aten.

"You were, sir," said Ai.

"Well…don't just stand there, attack the heretics and blasphemers!"

"Whoa! Hear us out for a minute, dudes!" said Percy.

"Aten's not a god at all! He's just been lying and tricking you into believing he is!" shouted Mako.

"Aten make us happy and feel good!" yelled Skaa.

"So do drugs and hookers!" said Al; everyone took a moment to stare in complete and utter shock.

"Well…I cure diseases, and I do so out of love!" said Aten.

"But if you love your subjects so much, why do you let them get sick in the first place?!" said Chaika.

"And what about amputees? How come you never cure us!" demanded a man from the crowd.

Aten was starting to get nervous as a small, but growing, section of the crowd started to question his authority over them; Aten sent a blast of power from his staff into the air, but silently cursed the prayer energy it wasted.

"Behold, my glory unleashed!"

When Aten turned his attention back to the crowd, he saw that they had all gathered at his main temple; when Aten and his guards got to the temple they found…Percy walking on the water of the reflecting pool!

"Yes, I do this all the time! I can also do this!" said Percy as he made the water of the pool split in half.

"Ye of little faith! Aten can do that! Can't you, Lord?" said Skaa, a bit nervously.

"Well, I'd be more concerned about the Death Gliders if I were…"

"Already took care of them, and we've got anti-matter charges at the ready in case you're thinking of attacking with ground weapons," said Captain Kuune.

Aten threw his hands into the air in exasperation. "Fine! Everything I did was a shame, a scheme, a power grab! But do you honestly think that's going to shake the faith of these idiotic sheep?!"

Aten was struck by several rocks, and he turned to see almost everyone in the crowd holding a rock in their hands; Aten and his guards rushed towards the chamber of the Stargate, with the Silver Bullets and the Catians hot on their tail.

"We're coming to arrest you for impersonating a deity and enslaving the people of Abydos! Please try not to resist us, Mr. Aten!" shouted Eris.

"Hey, Aten! How about a parting gift on behalf of me and the entire population of Abydos!" said Bolin as he sent a chunk from the wall towards Aten.

There was a sickening cracking sound as the wall collided with Aten, but the Heru Guards managed to carry him to the Stargate; before long Anpu was ordering them to fire up the chevrons.

"What destination did you have in mind, Lord Anpu?" asked one of the Heru Guards.

"Anywhere, as long as it isn't here!" said Anpu.

"Chevrons locked, preparing unstable portal!"

As soon as the portal stabilized Aten and his retainers rushed through the Stargate, but L and Captain Kuune made no effort to follow them.

"Not to worry, we took the liberty of remotely setting the Stargate's destination," said Captain Kuune.

"Where'd you set it to?" asked Kurumu.

"Oh, you're familiar with it!" said L, with a known smile.

Indeed, at that very moment Aten and company were emerging from the other end of the portal; the world they found themselves on seemed to be covered in grassy hills, had a foggy/overcast sky, and primitive village wasn't too far from the Stargate.

"Well, won't be too hard to get the locals on our side!" laughed Aten as a group of peasants approached them.

"More witches! More witches have entered from the demon portal!" shouted one of the peasants.

"Anpu, if you would."

"I can't my Lord, the Stargate has been temporarily locked!" said Anpu somberly as the peasants grew closer.

**Transition!**

Back on Abydos the Silver Bullets and the Catians were helping the natives get a grip on things now that Aten had been overthrown. As it happened, the Argosians had been victims of similar trickery by an alien named Pelops, and as such, they agreed to help the Abydonians with their rebuilding efforts.

"So, this Pelops...was he also Aten?" asked Skaa.

"Well, we can't say for sure, but it's possible," admitted Captain Kuune.

"Still though, it's equally probable that these crimes are being committed by a team; perhaps shapeshifters, or body-jumpers of some sort," said L.

"But what will we do now? Aten was the only thing that gave our lives meaning, and we may never be able to trust in any gods ever again," said Ai.

"You've got two perfectly functioning feet, keep moving forwards!" said Ed, all business.

"What my brother means is, you're free to find your own meaning in the world now, and that you should live your lives to the fullest and make the most of the time you have," said Al.

"And don't worry about gods. Trust me, they're not too concerned about whether people worship them or not," said Percy.

"Are…you a priest to these gods?" asked Skaa, as a crowd began to form.

"Actually, I'm the son of the god Poseidon. Wait, why are you guys bowing?"

"Don't look now, but I think you just started a cargo cult!" whispered Chaika.

**Transition!**

The Silver Bullets were getting a ride back to Earth in the Catians spaceship, and they were all trying to find a way to milk-out a PSA, or some other way to end this issue.

"Isn't there a really obvious PSA we could make from all of this?" asked Mizore.

"Not unless you want a flood of hate mail!" said L.

"Ooh! I know! We can open some fan letters!" said Al.

"This one says: Dear Silver Bullets, I think you're the greatest science-heroes! I'd love to join the Junior Bullets fan club, and I'd like to know how. Signed Johnny Johnson, from Ottawa, Canada," read Mako.

"Well, Johnny, for only $1.25 you too can join our ever growing legion of hot-blooded young Junior Bullets," said L. "Send all requests to your pals The Silver Bullets, P.O. box 602214, Bullet HQ, New Avalon City, New Avalon.

"This one's from Janet Jones from Coast City, California; it says: Dear Silver Bullets, I wanted to send a present to Kurumu, because she's my favorite Bullet, and I know she likes yaoi, but I'm not sure what that is. Can you tell me?" read Mizore.

Everyone just stared in awkward silence, not quite sure how best to answer the question, or entirely sure that they weren't being trolled.

"Oh, wow! They sure grow up fast!" said Bolin.

"Ooh! I know what that is! When a hot boy and another hot boy love each other very much, they decide to…"

"Eris!" shouted everybody except Kurumu.

"But, none of you have any taboos against that sort of thing."

"That's true, and while hate mail's not too bad, the FCC certainly is," said Izumi. "All it takes is one group of enraged "moral guardians" and pretty soon we've got a court case on our hands."

"FCC?" asked Chaika.

"They're the people who tell you that you can't say BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP, ass-BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP-shit, or even BLEEP in quasi-educational works involving teenage science-heroes," said Ed.

"And they don't sell tasty chicken like the other FCC!" added Percy.

"That's _KFC_!" said Melwin.

"So I think we've got time for one more letter, and this one is from Woody…okay, seriously, who writes this stuff?!" exclaimed Mako.

"How were they supposed to know they're letters would get lumped together with letters from other suggestively-named kids!" countered Kurumu.

"It says: How come the _Silver Star-Streakier _malfunctioned? You know, that is a good question," said Captain Kuune.

"Well…it appears that the central gyro-stabilizer was missing," said L. "It's that thing that kind of looks like…"

"Like that spinney-top thing you left at our meeting last Tuesday?" asked Chaika as she held up the missing gyro-stabilizer.

"You bastard! You lecture us about the importance of checking and double checking, but you can't even remember the central stabilizer of your own spaceship!" shouted Izumi as she repeated punched L.

"I had important matters to attend to with Captain Kuune!"

"Oh, is _that _what you were really up too?!"

"Er-that's all the time we have for now. Join us next time for more fun and adventures!" said Captain Kuune hastily.

"See you soon!" said Eris.


	3. Biting the Silver Bullets!

**I've always been a firm believer in the ability of science fiction and fantasy to provide social commentary on real world events. Naturally, this would happen in my fanfiction. Having to combine practically all works of fiction creates interesting issues when you consider, like, what are vampires like in such a world? Hmm…commentary on discrimination and stereotypes? Sounds like future plot ideas to me!**

**~Arthur Drakoni**

Kurumu and Mizore were on patrol in Middle Park, which, as its name would suggest, was located in the heart of New Avalon. They met up at the statue of Leif Erikson, and were about to move onto Museum Row when they got a message on their communicators from L.

"Good afternoon, ladies. There's someone to see you at HQ!" said L, in a suspicious upbeat tone.

"I've been dying to see my favorite succubus and snow-faire!" called a voice from the other end of the line. It was a voice which Kurumu and Mizore were well acquainted with.

"Tsukune!" they both squealed with excitement.

"And Moka too! See you when you get here!"

Kurumu was already in her succubus form, and wrapped her arms around Mizore's waist before taking flight. Soaring high above the bustling streets of New Avalon, the two monster girls soon spotted Mako and Bolin zipping down the street in the rocket-car.

"Hey, need a lift?" asked Mako.

"HQ, no stops for anything!" said Mizore.

"Whoa! Must be serious!" said Bolin.

"You could say that," said Kurumu as she and Mizore dropped into the rocket-car.

Before long the rocket-car was cruising to a halt inside the hanger, and the four Bullets were loaded into the pneumatic elevator. It hadn't been long before the ding of the elevator announced Kurumu and Mizore's reunion with Tsukune and Moka.

"Oh, Tsukune! At last we are together once again!" said Kurumu as she smothered Tsukune with her breasts for the umpteenth time.

"I haven't even been introduced, and I already like this guy!" thought Ed.

"What brings you to New Avalon?" asked Mizore as she caught Tsukune before he collapsed from lack of oxygen.

"L contacted us about possible recruitment!" said Moka.

"So, you two might be spending more time with us?" asked Ed as he slid closer to Moka. "I'm Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist. Perhaps you've heard of me?"

"Of course, you're on the news all the time in Japan!" said Moka; she then leaned in closer to Ed. "Hey, there something I've been meaning to ask you. I know we haven't known each other for long, but…"

Ed put a finger to her lips. "Don't feel ashamed. Yes, I say yes, you deliciously-small-breasted-vampire-girl, you!"

"Really? Y-you think I'm pretty, and you'll let me suck your blood?" asked Moka, blushing ever so slightly and adorably.

There was a loud record-scratching sound. Ed turned to see Al working the DJ stand, which he was certain hadn't been there a few moments before. Suddenly what Moka had said finally registered in Ed's mind. "Say what?!"

Chomp! Next thing Ed knew, Moka's fangs were sinking into his neck; he initially felt a sharp stab, but this was soon replaced by feelings of euphoria like nothing he'd ever experienced before. After a while Ed began to feel dizzy and light headed, but fortunately, Moka soon let go.

"Yum! That's the greatest blood I've ever tasted since Tsukune!" sighed Moka contentedly.

"Where am I?" groaned Ed, who had collapsed to the floor and twitching his arms and legs.

"Hmp! Serves you right for two-timing me!" said Kurumu as she dragged Ed by his ear.

"So, we've meet the six of you, but where's this Percy you've been telling us so much about?" asked Tsukune.

"Oh, he'll be here as soon as _Steel Samurai_ is over," said Al.

"I love that show! It's a real shame that Studio Gonzo is canceling it."

The was a loud slam from a door opening coming from the dorm rooms (as the sleeping quarters of Bullet HQ were referred to); Percy stood for a moment atop the grand staircase before slowly, zombie-like, making his way down the stairs.

"What did you say?" asked Percy, his voice completely lifeless and monotone.

"Studio Gonzo canceled _Steel Samurai_?"

"Those words! I-is it even possible to use them together in a sentence like that?"

"Kurumu, Alphonse, make sure all the windows are locked," whispered Mako.

At that point the volcano of Percy's emotion erupted, and the distraught demigod let out a loud wail as he ran back-and-forth while waving his arms wildly in the air.

"_STEEL SAMURAI_ IS A GONER! MY CHILDHOOD IS OVER!"

"Percy, you're either sixteen or seventeen! You're childhood ended when you turned thirteen!" said Mizore.

"You have no right to comment! You cannot possibly comprehend the feelings of loss and depravity that surges within me at this very instant!"

Percy uncapped _Riptide_ and held it like he was ready to commit seppuku. Fortunately, Tenzin and Izumi (along with everyone else) tackled him before he was able to go through with it.

"Alright, which one of you spilled the beans?" demanded Tenzin.

"He did! I think his name's Tsukune!" said Ed.

"Brother!" chastised Al.

"You knew?!" exclaimed Percy.

"We were hoping to break it to you gently, but we should have known that wasn't going to happen given this fanfic's screwball nature," Izumi sighed.

"Look, maybe you kids should take the night off. Perhaps you should take Moka and Tsukune to The Tolkien Towers," suggested Tenzin.

"Maybe not the best idea in Percy's current state, but getting out of HQ should take his mind off of things. Armstrong! You're on chaperone duty tonight!"

"It will be a privilege, nay! An honor to show your friends to wondrous view from atop the Two Towers! But, we must be here for our beloved Perseus in his hour of despair as well!" proclaimed Major Armstrong, whipping off his shirt and striking a dramatic pose.

"Is he always like this?" whispered Moka.

"I know! Isn't he the greatest?" beamed Kurumu.

"You kids have fun!" called Tenzin and Izumi as everyone left.

The two mentors hadn't been alone for long before L swooped down from out of the shadows. It was always a little hard to read L's expressions, but Tenzin and Izumi could almost detect a hint of concern.

"I got the blood work back from the lab," said L. "It's just as I had feared. Tsukune Aono has S.T.O.R.M.S."

"Incarnations of the Avatar! We've got to tell him!" exclaimed Tenzin.

"No. Wait till they get back. He clearly hasn't experience any symptoms, and he should enjoy his ignorance just a bit long," said Izumi, he gaze steely and cold even as a small tear rolled down her cheek.

**Transition!**

The Tolkien Towers, or the Two Towers, as they were also known, were a pair of towers modeled after the famous Eiffel and Tokyo Towers. Many movies set in New Avalon often featured the towers in their establishing shots, among other famous buildings of the city. The towers were also famous for having one of the best views of the entire city of New Avalon, which the Silver Bullets and company were currently experiencing.

"It's so beautiful! I can see why you're all so crazy about this city!" said Moka, spinning in a circle to take everything in.

"See over there? That's Mircalla Heights; it's the resident vampire neighborhood, but lots of other monsters live there. Even a few humans," said Al.

"Really? And they all get along together?" asked Tsukune.

"More or less. There's the occasional gang war, and a lot of the old syndicates still hold sway over things, but it's really turned around from the way it was in the past," said Mako.

"It's kind of like Republic City in the universe me and Mako come from," added Bolin. "Maybe not completely perfect, but not a half-bad place to live."

The top observation room was also home to a small number of cafes and shops, and Percy was presently drowning his sorrows at the tea shop. As it were, the tea shop was giving out free hats with every purchase (though limited to one per customer), and Percy had received a blue hat with a plastic daisy attached to it.

"Barkeep, another Jasmine Lavender, three sugar cubes this time," demanded Percy.

"I'm gonna have to cut you off."

"I said Jasmine Lavender with three sugar cubes! Chop, chop! What's a guy got do to get some service in this joint?!"

"I'm so sorry Mr. Jackson, I'll get right on it!" whimpered the tea shop worker.

"Actually, make it Darjeeling, but still three cubes! Don't you agree Marie Antoinette and…uh, Marie Antoinette's little sister?" said Percy, gesturing to Ed and Major Armstrong, who were sitting next to him.

"I think you've had enough tea for today, young Perseus," said Major Armstrong.

"Don't you get it?! You see the hat?! I am Mrs. Nesbitt!" shouted Percy, before laughing hysterically.

"Snap out of it, Jackson!" shouted Ed as he smacked Percy with his automail arm.

Percy shakily got to his feet and staggered towards the rest of the group. Before long Percy lost his footing, knocked everyone over, and found himself on top of Moka.

"Hello, sexy vampire girl! Would you like to suck my blood?" asked Percy, fighting back the urge to vomit all of the tea he'd just drunk.

"Oh, I really couldn't…"

"What are you doing?! You better not be throwing this golden opportunity!" snapped Inner Moka via the Rosario.

"But, he doesn't know what he's doing."

"He's a half-blood; have you ever tasted that sort of blood? Of course not, and if you screw this up you might never! So shut up, extend your fangs, and ride that demigod pony all the way around the corral!"

Fortunately for Outer Moka everyone's communicators started ringing with an incoming message from Watari. "Silver Bullets, there's been a murder in Mircalla Heights! Edward Cullen is dead!"

"The bastard had it coming!" Mizore remarked.

"How bad could…"

"He was heir apparent to the Cullen Clan, one of the most notorious vampire crime syndicates; he's committed countless hate crimes against werewolves, and he forced a girl several decades younger than he is to marry him, and had abused her, physically and emotionally, on a regular basis!"

"Oh…never mind," said Tsukune, putting his hand behind his head nervously.

**Transition!**

Mircalla Heights had been traditional characterized by its Central/Eastern European architecture; from the cobblestone roads to the gothic gaslight lamps to grand cathedral-esque buildings. It recent years it had seen an increased number of buildings being designed in Chinese style following the influx of Asian vampires. The murder had occurred at the Metamorphosis Bar in Kafka Square; this was in the older section of Mircalla Heights. There was a large crowd gathered around the scene of the crime; so many that it was clear to the Silver Bullets that they couldn't have all been at the Metamorphosis when the murder had happened.

"Silver Bullets! We're here on official business!" announced Mako.

"Did anyone see what happened?" asked Ed.

A Chinese vampire woman stepped forward; the Silver Bullets recognized her as Kelly Wong, having previously worked with her in their dealings with the vampire community. They wondered where the great Silver Blade (aka Jiro Mochizuki) was, but figured he'd show up soon enough.

"The Cullens were all here celebrating; can't say why exactly, but you know syndicates…"

"Those syndicates have kept this community safe for generations, but riffraff like you wouldn't possibly appreciate that!" shouted an older European vampire.

"The peanut gallery can shut it until we say otherwise!" snapped Kurumu.

"What? You think that you, a succubus whore-girl, can tell me these things?! I am Hungarian! Big boobies no work on me, only money!"

"Yeah, you're in our neighborhood now, honey!" said a (rather tan and big bottomed) female vampire of possible Armenian heritage.

"We have a situation in here! These Silver Bullet punks think that they can tell us what to do! They're part of the system!" said a muscular male vampire of Italian heritage.

"Um…I'm a vampire too, and I think what the Silver Bullets are doing is right," squeaked Moka.

"SELLOUT! TRAITOR! FREAK!" roared the crowd.

The Silver Bullets decided that the crowd was a lost cause, and that the best course of action would be to wait for the police to get things under control before moving forward with the investigation. While they wait they took Wong over to a pocket park near one of the mock-cathedrals in order to hear her side of the events.

"Some welcoming committee, eh?" remarked Wong bitterly.

"Don't worry, I had to go through much worse when I was in middle school," Moka assured her.

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

"So, what can we infer from these photo?" asked Mako as everyone projected the images from their communicators.

"He was obviously impaled through the heart. Maybe one of the Slayers?" suggested Mizore.

"They've got a strict non-aggression policy towards non-Hellmouth vampires, but it could always be a rouge," said Wong.

"The shape looks a little more like it was made by a metal projectile. Think Hellsing or Iscariot might be involved?" asked Ed.

"Let's hope not, or we'll have an international crisis on our hands for sure."

Everyone turned their attention towards the trees just in time to see Jiro Mochizuki jumping down from the treetops. As Jiro stood silhouetted against the moonlight, the Silver Bullets noted that his sword would have worked fairly well as the weapon of the murderer. Jiro caught a scent as the wind blew; he then placed his hand on Tsukune's shoulder and gazed at him sympathetically.

"My condolences."

"For what?"

"It's okay, lots of people lead perfectly fulfilling lives before their symptoms flair up," said Jiro.

"Wait, are you saying that…I have STORMS?!" asked Tsukune, his panic growing by the second.

"You didn't know?" asked Wong, raising an eyebrow in suspicion.

"But I haven't been having sex…ever!"

"I see. What about exchanging bodily fluids with anyone?" asked Jiro as everyone turned towards Moka.

"But I don't have STORMS either!" said Moka, a bit too defensively.

"Screw it…okay, not the best choice of words," said Wong. "Point is we can't move on with the investigation until we get Tsukune and Moka tested, because if they're positive they're putting the entire Mircalla Heights community at risk of a STORMS endemic!"

"How? It's not contagious or anything, right?" asked Bolin.

"Vampires suck a lot of people's blood, and we're not above sharing with each other. Under those circumstances as little a one infected person can do serious damage," said Jiro.

**Transition!**

"Told you we should have given it to him strait!" said L as he and the other mentors waited for the Silver Bullets to return to Bullet HQ.

"Don't you start! Right now Tsukune needs us to be there for him!" said Izumi.

"Is there anything at all we can do for him?" asked Tenzin.

"That's the thing about STORMS; the exact nature of it is unknown at present," sighed L as he stacked packets of cream.

"There is one option we can pursue…"

"No! I told that BLEEP I'd never speak to her again! Besides, a brilliant mind as mine, and sharp-witted lackeys like you, should be able to find a solution in no time at all. I am the three greatest detectives in the world after all!" said L as he took a sip of coffee with way too much sugar in it.

The three of them sat in silence for a long while until the Silver Bullets finally arrived. Moka, Kurumu, and Mizore all walked over to the mentors with Tsukune; partially for moral support, but also because Tsukune was so distraught that be had lost the will to stand on his own.

"I…I have STORMS," stammered Tsukune.

"Sexually Transmitted Organic Rapid Mutation Syndrome," said L. "Can't say where you got it, but Moka's negative."

"How long have I got?"

"So people go their entire lives without experiencing any symptoms, and some even gain superpowers," said Tenzin.

"But the odds of that happening are about a million-to-one," L interjected.

"All those pictures of people, the ones who are covered in arms and mouths and stuff…that's gonna be me?"

"Unfortunately, most manifestations of S.T.O.R.M.S. results in completely dysfunctional mutations of the body," said Izumi.

"Death usually follows not long afterwards," L chimed in.

"Are you trying to make him feel worse?!"

"How long have I got?" asked Tsukune.

"It varies from case to case," said L.

"Think not of the time you have left, but of the people who you shall spend it with, and spend it well you shall!" said Major Armstrong.

Suddenly the alarms started blaring and the red lights flashed to signal an incoming message from Watari. However, when L commanded for the message to be patched through, the voice on the other end was decidedly not Watari.

"Greetings and Hello, Silver Bullets! I trust young Tsukune is enjoying the little gift I sent him."

"What do you mean?! Who are you?!" demanded Tsukune.

"Remember, you had a burning desire for blood! You needed to feed your inner ghoul, but no place to find succulent, delicious, refreshing blood! So, at the farmer's market, I had a little stand…"

"You! The man with the ivory mask!"

"Hmm, got a certain ring to it. You may refer to me as the Man with the Ivory Mask!"

"Why? Why would you do such a horrible thing?!" sobbed Moka.

"But Ms. Akashiya, why ever not?" chuckled the Man with the Ivory Mask. "Oh! I know! It's to give me leverage over the Silver Bullets, isn't it! It is! Aren't I brilliant?"

"There's a 30% probability that you have a cure for STORMS, or at least, a means of staving off the effects," said L. "However, there is an 80% probability that you're going to trick us."

The Man with the Ivory Mask gasped. "Why L, you think I'd trick you? Well you're absolutely correct, but if it helps, I've had my associates take a hostage."

The image on the screen turned to a picture of Watari; he was bound and gagged, but thankfully still alive. Jiro suddenly regretted dragging Kotaro and Mimiko along on his mission to investigate possible Kowloon activity in Mircalla Heights.

"I'll have an associate of mine meet you at Varney's, let's say around eleven in the morning; we'll shoot the breeze, enjoy a nice brunch, and you'll release Light Yagami from prison in exchange for you hostage! Ta!"

The screen went blank and everyone exchange uneasy glances, and Jiro and Wong excused themselves to make sure the Man with the Ivory Mask hadn't decided to take more hostages. Percy had been passed out on the couch after one too many teas, and he was final regaining his senses.

"Oh, my head! Did I miss anything important?"

**Transition!**

Everyone got up early the next morning; even Percy managed to muscle through his hang-over. L decided it would be best for Percy to collect signature for a petition to prevent _Steel Samurai_'s impending cancelation while everyone else did as much research as possible before rendezvousing at Varney's. Percy figured the best place to start would be down on Sesame Street, but first he needed to find someone who knew how to get there; Percy spotted a pair of Muppets walking his way, and he thought he recognized them as Bert and Ernie.

"Excuse me! Excuse me! Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?"

"We sure can! We were just heading that way ourselves!" said Ernie.

"Oh, and would you mind signing my petition? I need to convince Studio Gonzo not to cancel _Steel Samurai_."

"That's one of my favorite shows!" exclaimed Bert as he eagerly signed his name.

"I know, right? That's why I'm sticking it to the man, man…or Muppet, or Manly Muppet, or Muppetly Man. I'm not quite clear on the correct terminology," said Percy.

The trio made their way to Mr. Hooper's Grocery Store as soon as they got to Sesame Street. Mr. Hooper made it clear that he thought _Steel Samurai_ was a stupid show, but Percy did a lot for the city, and Bert and Ernie were two of his best customers, so he agreed to sign. They next tried Oscar, but he was grouchy as usual, so they decided to keep moving on.

"Hey, Grover! You like _Steel Samurai_, right?" asked Bert.

"No way! Your name is Grover? Dude, that's my best friend's name!" said Percy.

"I'm not just Grover, I'm Super-Grover!" proclaimed Grover, donning a knights helmet and cape after signing the petition.

"Awesome! Science-heroes representin!"

Super-Grover agreed to accompany the group to collect more signatures; they were about to ask Big Bird and Elmo to sign the petition when Percy noticed Mako and Ed walking towards them. Mako and Ed were both wearing sunglasses that completely covered their eyes; Percy didn't know what, but there was something different about them.

"Hey guys, time to go already?" asked Percy.

"What? We really need a reason to come see you?" said Mako as he smiled put his arm around Percy.

"You're an open minded guy, aren't you?" asked Ed as he pulled Percy and Mako together for a group hug.

"Well, in a world of gorillas with jet packs and mad science-villains with giant robots, you've got to be open to anything after a while!"

"But, you know that thing you do with someone you like?" asked Mako as he walked his fingers up Percy's chest.

"What thing?"

"That thing they don't like to mention on Sesame Street," said Ed, leaning in close.

"Death?"

"Other thing."

"Guns?"

"Keep Guessing."

"Um…high fructose corn syrup?"

"Right…maybe we should take this in the back alley," said Mako.

"Percy, Elmo thinks we should tell a grownup," said Elmo.

"Call the Silver Bullets, they'll know what to do!" shouted Percy.

Percy soon found himself pinned against the wall of a deserted alleyway; he noted that Mako and Ed had gotten longer fangs since last time he'd…wait a second, they'd never had fangs!

"Let's dispense with the formalities!" said Ed as he and Mako removed their sunglasses, revealing that their irises had turned gold and the whites of their eyes had turned black as ink.

"Y-you, you're Kool-Aid vampires!" stammered Percy.

"The term you're searching for is Kowloon! But you'll learn how to say it with time!" said Mako, flashing a smile that displayed his fangs prominently.

"We're gonna suck your blood, and then you'll be a Kowloon just like us!" said Ed, between maniacal laughs.

This was it, Percy was completely pinned against the wall, and there wasn't any water manipulate. Suddenly an idea occurred to him; it was desperate, but at this point what was the harm in trying. In the loudest voice he could manage Percy shouted "Hey, Kool-Aid!"

"Oh, yeah!" declaired the Kool-Aid Man as he burst through the wall.

The blast from the Kool-Aid Man's entrance had knocked Mako and Ed out of the way, and gave Percy the chance he needed to make his escape. Rushing out from the back alley, Percy and the Kool-Aid Man ran straight into Jiro, Kotaro, and Mimiko; Percy noticed Elmo and Big Bird waving from inside Mr. Hooper's store and he gave them a thumbs up.

"Jiro! Mako and Ed have turned into Kowloon vampires!" shouted Percy.

"So I'd heard," said Jiro, cracking his knuckles.

"I know they've become Kowloon, but those boys are still Silver Bullets at heart! Oh, yeah!" said the Kool-Aid Man.

"As much as it pains me to say it, the public menace is right," said Mimiko

"Public menace?!" exclaimed everyone (sans Mimiko) in unison.

"The Kool-Aid Man has racked up millions of dollars in destruction of public property; smashing through walls and buildings so that he can peddle his sugary drink to kids for free!"

"Oh, yeah! Who do I need to make the check to?" asked the Kool-Aid as he pulled out his pocketbook.

Jiro slammed Mako and Ed with the butt of his katana, but he had to keep his hat and goggles adjusted to avoid the sunlight; this wasn't lost on Mako and Ed. Worse yet, Mako was still perfectly capable of firebending, and Ed could still perform alchemy. Jiro swiftly dodge a flame burst from Mako, and turned around just in time to see Ed transmuting a fire-hydrant into a water cannon; fortunately, Percy willed the water to bend away from Jiro, and sent it toward Mako and Ed.

"Well played, Silver Blade, but water has no effect on us!" cackled Mako as he shot a series of lightning blasts at Jiro.

"Damn it! Where the hell is everyone else?!" exclaimed Jiro.

"Sorry we're late! We were looking for a prostitute…totally related to the investigation!" said Bolin; even Mako and Ed pause for a moment at that.

"Well, haven't we been naughty!" cackled Ed as he transmuted the ground to send a series of stone pillars towards his follow Silver Bullets.

Moka nodded to Tsukune and he pulled off her Rosario; instantly there was a burst of energy as Moka's pink hair turned silver and she generally took on a more refined and cunning air about her. Ed transmuted his automail arm into a blade and charged at Moka, but she landed such a swift kick he was sent flying before he had time to react.

"My, someone needs to know their place better," said Moka, a devilish grin on her face.

"I hear you don't like water, but tell me, what's your opinion of…fire!" shouted Mako as he unleashed a wall of flame.

Moka was able to charge through the flames without so much as a single singe before delivering a sharp jab to Mako's stomach. Mako geared up for another lightning attack, but Moka and Jiro were ready to finish him off.

"L, we've incapacitated them," said Moka over her communicator.

"There might be a possibility of saving them, but you'll have to get them to HQ immediately!" said L.

**Transition!**

Everyone waited anxiously outside of the operating theater in the infirmary wing of Bullet HQ. Kurumu and Al were hugging each other for emotional support, Tsukune was trying to convince Moka to reattach her Rosario, and Bolin was pacing back and forth like a caged animal. After what seemed like an eternity, Major Armstrong emerged from the operating theater.

"As you all know, this surgery's goal was to attach a spirit locks similar to the ones Tsukune and Moka use to suppress their darker sides…"

"Keep talking," said Moka, narrowing her eyes.

"All in all, the surgery was a success. However, there were some complications…"

"Noooooo!" screamed Al and Kurumu in unison.

"Wait! It's not as bad as you think! However, it would seem Edward's spirit lock has rendered his personality…somewhat altered.

"I can't take it anymore! Let me see him! I don't care what you've done, he's still Edward Elric!" shouted Kurumu as Al and Tsukune tried to hold her back.

"Don't distress yourself, my dear Kurumu! Your gentlemen caller has arrived."

Everyone stared wide-eyed at the sight before them; it was clearly Ed, but he was more elegant and refined, his hair was a lighter shade of blonde, and he was wearing clothing befitting that of a host club president. Mako was there as well, but he didn't seem any different than usual.

"E-Edward? Is this you?" asked Kurumu, almost at a loss for words.

"Indeed it is, but what's this? Can you be Kurumu Kurono? You are so beautiful that you surely must be the princess of a foreign kingdom!" said Ed as he stroked Kurumu's face and placed a rose in her hair.

"He reminds me of someone; I can't think who though," remarked Jiro.

"You really think I'm that pretty?"

"How could I not when your eyes shine like the radiant stars?"

"I can practically taste the diabetes," muttered Moka.

"As you can see, we weren't entirely sure about how strong to make the spirit locks," said Izumi. "And it would seem we over did it on Edward's."

"I don't care! The new Ed is even better than before better than before!" exclaimed Kurumu as she hugged Ed; and he didn't even mind that she was smothering him her breasts again.

Mimiko sighed as she clicker her phone shut. "That's was Caligari. They said, even given the circumstances, they can't risk letting someone as dangerous as Yagami out."

"I know! We can get the Kool-Aid Man to break him out!" said Kotaro.

"Kotaro, that would be instigating a prison break, and that's illegal," said Jiro. "Plus, the Kool-Aid Man might get thrown in jail, and might squeal on all of us."

"Besides, the walls of Caligari are specifically designed to prevent the Kool-Aid Man from breaking in," said Mimiko.

"Don't worry, Madam Katsuragi, the answer will come to you. I'm as sure of this as I am of the elegance and grace you have!" said Ed.

"Shorty, you're a little young for my taste! Nice try thought."

"Ah, but what is age but a number?"

"As an Old Blood, I can vouch for the validity of that," said Jiro with a playful smile.

"Stay out of this you!" hissed Mimiko.

"I've got an idea," said Mizore.

After Mizore explained her plan everyone broke into heated debate about the drawbacks and benefits. Perhaps no one expressed the general sentiment better than Moka: "There's no way we're all going to wear trench coats, sunglasses, and fedoras to trick them into thinking we've got Light Yagami."

**Transition!**

"I can believe we're actually going through with this plan!" said Moka.

Everyone was wearing trench coats, sunglasses, and fedoras; they were gathered at Varney's, an upscale restaurant in Mircalla Heights. L was serving as the stand-in for Light, and he exchanged a disgusted glance with Jiro when they saw who the Man with the Ivory Mask had chosen as his representative.

"Cassa!" they hissed in unison.

"Old acquaintance?" asked Mizore.

"Cassandra Jill Warlock; head of the Warlock House, and a Kowloon. Had a lot of dealings with her back in the day," said Jiro.

"You're not going to flash me are you?" laughed Cassa with a playful smile.

"So, your boss a no-show?" said Mako.

"I had prior engagements, but hey, I'm with you in spirit!" said the Man with the Ivory Mask via the speaker that was on the table.

"Don't be shy; we are having a brunch-negotiation after all. Anyone care of Champaign?" asked Cassa.

"What have you done with Watari?" demanded L.

"Oh, he's around. What about Yagami?"

"H-he's in the kkkitchen!" stammered Tsukune, who was shaking like he had a cold.

Cassa frowned. "How'd you sneak Light in…"

"Nooooo! Watari! I can smell him!" growled Tsukune.

"Please excuse us," said Jiro as he and L ushered Tsukune towards the restroom.

L and Jiro recoiled with horror when Tsukune ripped off his trench coat in the restroom. His face had become elongated and bestial; his teeth were now sharp and pointed; he'd grown an extra set of arms and a rat-like tail. There could be no doubt about it; Tsukune's S.T.O.R.M.S. had begun to manifest.

"W-what's happening to me?!" groaned Tsukune as a pair of insect-like wings burst from his back, and goat horns grew from his head.

"Put charitably, it has begun," said L.

"Nooooooo! You said you could fix it!"

"Well, I was hoping it wouldn't manifest for a bit longer, but I suppose the stress…"

"SHUT UP!" roared Tsukune as he sent L flying across the restroom.

Jiro pulled out his sword, but the mere sight of the katana's blade was enough to send Tsukune bolting towards (or rather, through) the door. It took the diners a minute to register what was happening as Tsukune rampaged through, but when they finally realize he wasn't a stunt they were all rushing to the nearest exits in a panicked mass.

"WHERE IS HE?! WHERE IS HE?!" bellowed Tsukune as he smashed table after table.

"Now see here you brute! This is most uncivilized of you!" declared Ed; Tsukune flicked him aside like a bug.

"Ooh! I like it when they play rough!" said Moka.

Moka landed a powerful kick that nearly made Tsukune lose his footing. Tsukune geared up to punch her, but suddenly his eyes filled with recognition.

"M-Moka?"

"No, it couldn't be…Tsukune?"

"M-Moka. Me am a monster," said Tsukune, sounding hurt and remorseful.

"But how did…oh no! His STORMS!" exclaimed Kurumu.

"K-Kurumu? M-Mizore? No sad. No sad."

"It's eating his brain. He's…dying," said Mizore, her stoic shell cracking enough for a tear to roll down her cheek.

"Well, Watari's in the kitchen. You'll find Mimiko and Kotaro tied up next to him. See ya!" said Cassa, before making a quick escape.

"This is coming out of your paycheck!" scolded the Man with the Ivory Mask; before Tsukune smashed his speaker.

Moka sighed and glanced at her Rosario. "If he's going to die, you should be the one to say goodbye."

The instant Moka reattached the Rosario her hair turned pink again, and she regained her general cutsie/cheerful disposition. However, even Outer Moka struggled to find the silver lining with the present predicament.

"Oh! I'm sorry for all the mean things I've said! And I'm sorry Tsukune! I'm so sorry that I can't help you!" sobbed Moka.

"Mr. L, can't you do something?" asked Kotaro.

L pulled out a cellphone and weighed his options; he really didn't want to contact her, she was always such a pain. Still though, Tsukune didn't have much time left, and he'd never live with himself if he had to see the sadden faces of his Silver Bullets day after day. Suddenly one of the mirrors at the end of the room started glowing, and then she was there; gorgeous flowing silvery hair, bronze skin, purple eyes, an elegant black and purple dress. She was Urd; goddess second class, limited license.

"Hello handsome, miss me much?" asked Urd, a confident smirk on her face

"About as much as a brain tumor," replied L flatly. "What brings you around?"

"Damn! Tenzin and Izumi said it was bad, but I didn't think you'd let it get this far!"

"Ah, that explains it."

"Well, I had a felling you'd call sooner or later. Of course, with you that's like asking for the moon!"

"L, who is this?" asked Mimiko, with more than a hint of suspicion.

"I've never met this goddess before in my life!"

"BLEEP-shit!" said everyone; even Tsukune.

"Fine! Everyone, this is Urd, she's…my wife."

Everyone found the nearest glass of whatever and promptly spit it out at this revelation.

"L, I consider myself to be a generally nice person. Seriously, though, the only way someone as hot as Urd would ever consider marrying you is if she was blind and deaf and mentally retarded!" said Kurumu.

"Tisk, tisk, Kurumu! Perhaps L has hidden talents that swept Urd off her feet, and made her overlook his physical shortcomings!" declared Ed, complete with bishie sparkles.

"You know, on second thought, I like normal you a lot better."

"Please, Tsukune's dying! He dying and we can't save him!" sobbed Moka.

"No problem, I can even get Mako and Ed back to normal…well, as normal as they were before getting turned into Kowloon. Still, that's going to require a lot of energy," said Urd as she pulled out several bottles of sake and promptly chugged them.

"She gets her power from alcohol and the world tree Yggdrasil," explained L.

"Abracadabra, kid!" said Urd as she started chanting in an archaic language.

Before long Tsukune was slowly turning back to normal, and Mako and Ed were surrounded purple glowing light. Soon the spell was completed; Mako and Ed tentatively removed their spirit locks to find…they were back to normal!

"Tsukune, you're cured!" said Moka, tears of joy welling in her eyes.

"I'm cured? I'm cured!"

"Hey, Tsukune?" asked Moka as she leaned in close to him.

"Yes, Moka?"

Chomp! Next thing Tsukune knew, Moka was sucking his blood (as usual); as annoying as it was to feel anemic, in a way, it was a reassuring comfort to Tsukune that things were back to normal.

Ed angrily stomped over to Mimiko. "You called me short! You must time I'm a shrimp, a dwarf, a measly little twerp; don't you?!"

"Brother! You normal again!" said Al as he hugged Ed out of affection (and to constrain him).

"And you, goddess! If you can do all of this then why didn't you fix my arm and leg?!"

"Honey, I'm a goddess, not a miracle worker!" said Urd.

"Moka. Tsukune. I know this is a little soon and all, but have you given any thoughts to my offer of joining the West Coast team I'm starting up?" asked L.

"West Coast team?!" exclaimed Kurumu and Mizore.

"Why do you think I was interviewing them? With the success of the New Avalon team I've decided to set up team of heroes throughout the world, and beyond. I was tentatively setting the West Coast team's location to be Los Dracos since it's kind of a west coast New Avalon in many ways," explained L.

"Mr. L, in light of the past few days…I'd be happy to!" said Tsukune.

"If Tsukune's going then so am I!" added Moka.

"So, what about the Cullen murder, and the murder of those vampire prostitutes?" asked Al.

"Oh! So that explains what you guys were talking about on Sesame Street!" said Percy.

"These public relations disasters are really killing me!" mutter Mimiko.

"Cassa's as good as confessed to the murder under the orders of the Man with the Ivory Mask, and eventually she will be brought to justice. For now, I think we've all earned a couple days off before Tsukune and Moka have to leave," said L.

"But that can wait, because what time is it?" said Urd, with a knowing smile.

"It's PSA time!" declared Jiro and Kotaro.

**Transition**

The Silver Bullets and company were gathered in a ghetto near Sesame Street in order to deliver this issue's PSA. They were required to do this in compliance with federal guidelines about semi-educational works involving teenage science-heroes.

"Hello, my name is Urd, and we just did a really bad job of handling the serious subject of S.T.O.R.M.S. in today's episode! In order to lighten the mood, we're here to show you t_he_ place to send you kids this summer: the ghetto!"

"Here in the ghetto we serve a fine assortment of foods," said Bolin as he took the lids off of several garbage cans.

"Check out these ghetto pools!" said Percy as he stood next to an open fire hydrant.

"You'll get plenty of opportunities for fun field trips to place like here!" said Mako, as he stood in a garbage filled lot.

"And the cabins are extra cozy!" said Kurumu, who was crammed on the single bed with Mizore, Ed, and Al.

"What? Don't want you kids playing here?" asked Tsukune.

"Why would you want any kids to play here?" asked Moka.

"Give Jobs. Give Money. Give a BLEEP!" declared Oscar the Grouch.

"Okay! Little shaky with the cursing, but that's a great cut! I think we can work with it!" said Mimiko.

"Urd!" roared L as he stomped onto the set. "I just got off the phone with Keiichi. Apparently someone, meaning you, is moving into Bullet HQ; and Keiichi, Belldandy, and Skuld will be joining that someone who is you!"

"Oops, slipped my mind," said Urd, completely nonchalant.

"I told you I never wanted to see you again!"

"I wish for you, the goddess Urd, to be married to me! That was your wish, and you've got me til the day you drop dead! It's only natural that a married couple live under the same roof."

"I'm a BELLP! You BLEEP! Gotta BLEEP my BLEEP! You BLEEP BLEEP!" screamed L.

"Well, that's all the time we have for today. Join us next time for more fun and adventures!" said Jiro.

"See you soon!" said Kotaro.


End file.
